Tell your joke here

[Emm]

a 70 year old man goes to Social Security with his lawyer to discuss his payments, the Social worker says they believe he is earning money aside from his payments ask how he affords so many nice things. he responds, I'm a gambler, which wouldn't qualify as a job. to prove it I bet 5K I can bite my own eye. the social worker thinks for a moment and agrees to the bet. man takes out his glass eye and bites it. he says I bet 10K I can bite my other eye. social worker thinks for a moment, realizes he's not blind so his other eye is real and agrees, man takes out his false teeth and uses it to bite his other eye, the man then says I bet 20K I can stand on one side of your desk, and piss straight to the trash can on the other side without getting a drop in between. man agrees knowing he couldn't possibly do this, the old man ends up pissing all over the guys desk. the guy is happy he finally won the bet and won 5k when he realizes the mans lawyer looks upset, he asks him what's wrong the lawyer replies" he made a bet with me for 500k that he could piss all over your desk and you'd be happy."

ive been laughing for over an hour from reading this

same

[Meliva]

heres another one.
3 brothers end up stranded on an island. the natives there are cannibals and plan to eat the brothers unless they pass a test. the first part of the test is to go into the jungle and bring back 10 of the same type of fruit. the youngest brother returns first with 10 bananas, they say part 2 is all 10 must be inserted in the rectum while maintaining a neutral expression, he gets 4 up there until he winces from pain, so they kill and eat him. the middle brother returns next with 10 berries, he gets 9 and then he burst out laughing, so they eat him. in heaven the younger brother asked "why did you laugh, you could have lived." and the middle brother says" I saw our older brother coming back with pineapples."

[Meliva]

this one isn't one of my best, but I like it.
A general is marching off to battle with 3000 soldiers, having been told it would be an easy battle against 1000 soldiers.. the first scout arrives and says "the enemy army is bigger then estimated, its 10,000 soldiers." the general curses, but knows he cant retreat, so he marches on. a second scout arrives and says "the first scout was wrong, its 100,000 soldiers." the general curses again and is both terrified and angry, a third scout arrives and says the second scout was also wrong, the general cuts him off and says if you tell me its a million soldiers I will have you killed. the scout says I wont be killed then, its 10 million.