Message in a Bottle Third Edition
PAGES
- Front Page - Message from the Editor
Page 2 - Portside Perusal: Global Event Gossip
Page 3 - Meliva vs Clockwork
Page 4 - Navigational Aids
Page 5 - Meet The Crew & Ship Stealing
Page 6 - Historical Lookback
Page 7 - Special Feature: Tall Tales of William One Eye
Portside Perusal - Global Event Gossip:
3032 .. Avonmora sees Supreme leader JuicyP rank up overnight to Marquess in Dominica. Completing the task by dawn on Day 2, he was said to be somewhat 'meh' in his achievement and appeared interested in finding other ways of maintaining his rep as a 'trouble maker'.
MIAB reporter found her interest rather piqued indeed but back to reporting the biznz at hand.
3034 .. Phoenix Knight's face was seen to turn ruby red much as the color of his fancy imported threads when told Treasure Hunters had stolen part of his Booty. 'To say he was 'obviously irritated' is an understatement...'
(A Hired Diplomat for Phoenix Knight told MIAB that is the official statement on the matter BUT MIAB discovers the real truth be known, and with a tankard or two, (no, not a Bribe) MIAB can report.. that PK, as he is affectionately known, actually really couldn't give a rats *** (No big deal as MIAB hears he is allegedly loaded).
3035 .. Meanwhile, a surprise reappearance by Gabby sees her tearing it up the rankings in USA to Marquess. Welcome back and well done Gabs!
Captain Da Vinci continues on his African Safari seating himself on the throne in Kenya. (MIAB stamp - ''CONGRATS CDV').
3037 .. Making sure he is not forgotten, Clockwork begins his rank up in British India Ocean resting to enjoy the last of his sure-got-to-be-stale-by-now quesidillas.
3038 .. In the meantime HPWizard shows interest in growth while he remains consistent with his pb attacks and starts his own plantation at Baramas.
CW ranks to Marquess just as Liechtenstein declares it is Neutral with Liberia. Seems all past differences have been resolved and the IoM cheesy poofs are no longer under threat.
Also from Leichtenstein's news that King Eric ceases hostilities with Cayman Islands and report is King Roffo offers little resistance during a cheesy poof and tobacco exchange with King Eric. Peace,
3039..Barely pausing for a breath Clockwork heads to Bulgaria in his quest to match up against CDV for crowns and beauties At this point in time, CDV continues to leave Clockwork in his wake. There have been no reports of any bevy of beauties anywhere for Clockwork at this stage although just after he took off from British India Ocean a couple of beauties were seen running up the shore in his direction. Not sure if this is related or if its mere coincidence.
It may prove CWs beauties are not mere shadows.
3040 .. Staunch upholder of the T'zak Ryn Honor Award and outright winner of their Loyalty Program, Haron, achieves 25,000 Total Battles! Well done, Haron!
We hear the party was more sedate and refined than when the Skirmish king, SilverShadow celebrated same. (Remember?... lives were lost!)
None that we know of this time.
Five days hidden away with his Kenyan beauties and CDV seems never to be satisfied enough to settle down.
MIAB found him heading full steam ahead to Somalian shores.
Very keen to catch up with CDV at this particular location to speak with him of his intentions because we all know there are lots and lots of pirates in Somalia... and ... er ... well .... .... but as usual, he was two steps ahead ...
3041 .. As CDV enchants the people of Somalia including all levels of nobility Clockwork continues to work his way in on the Bulgarians bringing his own brand of thunder. He eyes the throne and hoping to win over a few of the local beauties, grabs the crown, winks and sits waiting.
MIAB has asked CW for comment but no response as yet.
Respected trader and accomplished voodoo caster, Dyno, snatches the spotlight for a brief moment with 1000 Total Battles! Nice work Dyno to pop up there like that interrupting their kingly runs. Well done!
.. Leichtenstein continues making peace with nations such as Guam and Montenegro (King Eric has been busy indeed),
3042 .. In a big turnaround - King Eric pulls up on the olive branches and unexpectedly declares war on Spain.
Avonmora wakes to 2 new kings , CDV in Somalia and Clockwork in Bulgaria. Both celebrate with hearty breakfasts before heading off once again just after sunrise. No time for bevies for either this time with only the challenge of their next crown focused in their minds.
. MIAB happy to report big time trader and another of Avonmora's good sorts, er ...sports, Wally, starts a workshop at Regis!
Not long ago he was battered and bruised so it appears he has recovered well after a voracious series of gorging upon his fleets.
It seems his run of bad luck has finally come to an end.
Best news to date is that he is up and running fat and healthy again.. (*cough .. excuse me) ..great news Wally and congrats on such a speedy recovery!
3048 .. Ethiopia sees Captain da VInci's fleets begin to roll in over the horizon towards the shore. MIAB outsmarted CDV and we arrived in Ethiopia ready to greet him upon his landing. However, he was nowhere to be seen by MIAB reporters. There were, however, hordes of beauties on the dock so he may likely have ended up there.
3053 .. While visiting Gorum, a brief and respectful award ceremony at United States of America Guild meeting was held in Governor JB Dukes honour for attaining Top Helper Award.
All reports say it turned into a wild old night partying, spilling down onto the sandy shores under the stars.
Some minutes near midnight, alerted to and unsure of the hullballoo out in the Bay of Goroum, JB drunkenly set sail with an air of rollicking curiosity and with a few good men, also full of rum and ale cheer were all about to get more than they bargained for...
Upon approaching the melee they found themselves suddenly thrust in yet another USA/Bermuda flare up and needing to get their sh** together and fire up real quick!!
JB was heard to say..."Jeez...we were just in-house partying, Cutpurse...sorry you didn't get an invite.."
War was not on JBs mind that night but he is
reliable and word has it he, as usual, managed to take things in his stride, keep his cool and step up as a major player once again. Kudos and a well deserved Top Helper award.
3054 .. Egypt 'Congrats CDV".
MIAB orders another stamp,
"CONGRATS CW".
3055 ..
MIAB hears Thomas Dreadbolt has had a busy and productive month seeking to improve himself on all levels. Cheeky as always and punching above his weight Thomas felt the hand of a decent spanking. He was left with little choice other than to rebuild and seek counselling, which he promptly did. Good for you, Thomas!
Thomas was not the only youngster to get their ears clipped this month.
MIAB news reports..
Love Goddess, Lolita took a hammering and managed to bounce back all sassy in Slack giving out love hearts and interesting promises to the delight one enthusiastic player in particular.
MIABs investigative mind is left to wonder why is it always seems to be a certain scally involved in these kinds of things? Stripper poles? Orange powder? Hotel California in Dominica? And now, this? (Not looking at anyone, Banger!)
All the while Lolita insisted on attributing her joy to "Daddy".
(MIAB was surprised to discover just who "Daddy" was... but Spaniards are a breed unto their own so again, MIAB does not judge...we just report verbatim).
Congratulations to Assur whose fleets were damaged, de-fleeted, decommissioned and demolished - well.. stolen really but word has it he stood tall and courageous in light of it.
MIAB proudly reports he even saw and discussed where he could have done better with his Elders and he did it without too much complaint...
Extraordinary...that's the way, Assur!! Young Leader in the making right there!
Well done and good luck, all noobs, including Thomas, Assure, mads and Leo!
MIAB RESEARCH found some ancient text:
" As seas risin' ruff hang on an' stay tighte and true an' roll ye with the wave. Ne'er ye resist for Ye shall wash up on the shore and ye shally be fine. "
Convinced MIAB had at last outsmarted him, CDV was much sought after by our intrepid and ethical reporters.
After 6 days of tracking him in Ethiopia we were told that he was actually long gone from that land and was now, as we spake, currently making Marquess over in Libya!
3056 .. Clockwork king of Burkina Faso. Still no bevy of beauties reported but a couple of Noobs were seen to be hanging around. Maybe the tide is changing...? Fingers crossed for you , Clockwork!
Continuing on with the news on this day:
Young scallywags, Thomas Dreadbolt and Soleil achieve 1000 Battles Won.
MIAB hears both parties dranked and made merry at the Tavern and awoke to find themselves covered in voodoo and feeling a little worse for wear. Visiting the local medicine man and healer for cure, they found no sympathy nor self sacrifice from him as he stood silently, towering over them, staring at the pair of young scallies. With a scowl that promised full Vengence of this Witchdoctor and with his big arms folded across his chest.. they pretty quickly realised there was no clearing or healing to be had here this time.
Stan Rogers, was invited to join the young scallies but did not attend as he was busy with his own vibrant soiree hosting the opening of his new plantation in NewLand.
More news of the Conqueror.
Leo found the scrotees to put up the black and quietly slipped himself into the #6 spot on the Pirare Combat Rankings!
There's a good bit of thunder right there, Leo!
(And kudos for immortalising yourself making "Bringing Leo's Thunder" a thing in Avonmora! Well done!
3057 .. Clockwork King of Burundi
CDV King of Chad
Bermuda celebrates Yosarians' 5000 Total Battles immersing further into the War with the USA.
Busy as Avonmora is, Captain Dungeness finds time to completely ignore all the goings on and just marches right ahead and starts a Plantation at Thorakas! With barely a word! What's with that? He can still be seen daily around Avonmora openly and defiantly, nay, shamelessly promoting 2.5M payments for Bribes!
Such lawlessness. Such wealth!
3059 .. Continuing to be seen around town, Captain Dungeness then just ranks up back home in Tokelau as easily as if he had never even been away. Nice work, Sir!
Clockwork pushes on to grab the crown in Cameroon not long after damn the torpedoes starts his workshop at Tzogos. MIAB is not sure if these events are related or mere coincidence.
3061 .. Arriving at the Canary Islands Clockwork changes his name to Buzz.
Investigations uncover he had actually found a bevy of beauties in Burundi much to his delight only to have his excitement dashed when said beauties told him they mistook him for Captain DaVinci.
Rejection compelling him to change his name to Buzz to free himself from the shame, Buzz finished his ranking alone and in silence and took off to Cape Verde the very moment Greyfriar was named King of Canada.
3062 .. Another shock move from xPro sees him leave his beloved USA and rank up back in Dominica, bringing with him this time the Isle of Tortuga. Nice. MIAB understands it is not uncommon to bear gifts when arriving in another nation but MIAB thinks the bringing of an entire island is pretty damn big display of Generosity!
Later that evening Edward Teach resumed his seat on the throne right in the middle of dinner during a break in negotiations with Bermuda. Sneaky and unexpected show of force there!
More news just in....
3064-Roffo Snake hops up off his throne and with a deep bow and lets Buzz rest and aye, jolly decent of ol' King Roffo to let CW wear his crown for a wee while too after a wee tussle to hold onto it. Roffo was happy for CW to sit his big ol ass on the throne but was reluctant to actually give him the crown. In the end he but agreed but on the understanding CW would have to leave in the morning....and also understanding it would just be better to lets-get-things-over-and-done-with and the with least amount of effort and or damage.
.. Buzz still reeling from the horror of the recent past puts his focus on manic ranking and ploughs through the Central African Republic after waving farewell to Ol'Roffo.
As soon as Buzz is out of sight, King Roffo phenols the throne thoroughly and then sits his royal bottom back where it belongs. He is reportedly happy. All done in peace.
CDV takes advantage of xPros sudden departure from the USA and ranks up in no time to Marquess. Clockwork arrives in Chad taking the crown the following day.
3066 .. Bermuda surprises all and raises her flag in Goroum. Much to the dismay of the general public and JB Duke and his crew who were just waking up badly hung over and wondering what on earth happened the night before?
. A recently returned and somewhat quieter Charles Vane, carefully furled his jolly roger and raised the USA flag instead. (MIAB thinks colours on Vane look, well... weird!!)
Buzz is King of Chile and Dominica officially recognises xPros' gift of Tortuga.
3067 .. As USA takes Goroum back from Bermuda, El Draque nonchalantly goes about his biznz and opens a workshop in Vaasburg. We hear it was a vibrant and lively fun affair with Draque filling all roles of host, guest of honour, audience and emcee for the night. Good work saving on the coin there, El D!
A little later in the day, in a not so surprise move, CDV allegedly jumped on the throne during one of Ed's many bathroom breaks and refused to get off. Laughing his head off he declared "l is King now, Eddie" .
And all this while the US was busy revising the law Expand port Acres no less..!
Fall out from the refried war with Bermuda had CDV suggesting to Ed they share the crown and the throne and take it in turns but Ed would hear nought of it.
3068 .. The problem was solved when our reporters in the US watched and saw that while CDV was there, Teach would get up really, really early, sneak in and grab the crown from beside a sleeping-the-sleep-of-the-dead CDV.
Then he would also steal CDVs breakfast bun as well and rush to seat himself on the throne giggling like a schoolie before CDV or anyone else even woke up!
And he sat there and refused to move all day! Word is Teach found this hilarious and highly amusing. Meanwhile CDV spent the days enjoying the company of the local beauties and was way too tired to care or deal with Eddie upon his return in the evenings.
Ed was heard to say he was very pleased with himself for pulling this trick off, not once.. but a number of times.
3069 ..Once again Averson ranks up to Duke..(MIAB is still no wiser as to the behaviours of these USA Dukes and their 'I-am -a -duke - I -am -not -a -duke' game and alas, the gentleman Bomont seems to have departed Avonmora for now, maybe to distant shores, and leaving MIAB mid convo in regards to the above
3071 ..MIAB is proud to announce Captain cudeggs was poached enough to stash his MoW in his marina after foolishly drawing the attention of and tempting the likes of Banger and xPro. What a scramble that would have been!
Well done, eggs! Some were heard to say they fear you are a little cracked or soft boiled for doing that but good for you... (Luckily, too, Shadowood called in late to check things out !
You coulda got fried!)
