Bahrain : News from the Front

[Bmw]

When ever I see a long post from Danik I know it's a good one.

[Most Lee Harmless]

The Great Lord Danik awoke : His head ached and his bones groaned as he forced himself to pay attention to his Grand Vizier : 'Great Lord, we have found the War!' : 'By the Gods of Constipation, that is wonderful news! Where was it?' : 'Twas found in the Throne Room, by Third Deputy Assistant Keeper of the Khazi, Abdul Bin Linus!' : 'Reward him immediately, why, a whole day off, with pay!' : 'With pay, Great Lord?' : 'Mmmm, you are right, one day off, unpaid!' : 'Your generosity is unbounded, Oh Great One!' : 'So, what are we going to do with it?' : 'I know not, Great Lord!' : 'Well, you should, are you not my Grand Vizier, is it not your task, your duty, your sacred vocation, to advise and counsel me?' : 'Indeed, Great Lord, but you did already decree the War should be ignored until it goes away!' : 'I did?' : 'Indeed, Great Lord, and pursuant to your wishes, I was ignoring it!' : 'You task me, Viz, but your logic is sound. But now we cant ignore it, for it is here, before us and extremely odorous!' : 'We could just send it back from whence it came, to that Vane chappy?' : 'We could?' : 'Indeed, and claim it was delivered to the wrong address!' : 'That could work, it may well delay matters until wiser heads prevail! Well done Viz, you should be rewarded!' : 'A day off, with pay, Great Lord?' : 'Dont be bloody silly! You may bask in my reflected glory for, oh, two minutes!' : 'Great Lord, you are too generous!'.

Several days passed in peaceful debauchery, drunkenness and the enjoyment of items and activities best left undescribed : Great Lord Danik was about to take his turn at Pinning the Tail on Miss Fifi when his aim was disturbed by the Vizier weeping and wailing. 'Great Lord, the War, it has come back!' : 'What?' : 'It has been returned, marked 'Return to Sender, Address unknown, No such person, No such zone'. Great Lord, what is to be done now?' : 'Calm yourself, Viz, and stop weeping on the carpet, it causes the most unsightly stains. So, this Vane chappy has decamped and thus there is no way to return this silly war. As I said, we shall just have to ignore it. we shall hide it in some deep and disgusting place and pretend it all just never happened!' : 'Oh Great Lord, truly you are the wisest and most noble leader! I shall take the war and flush it down the servants Khazi ; truly, no soul would dare enter that pestilential abyss to retrieve it!' : 'Away to your task, Viz.. and Viz?' : 'Yes, Great Lord?' : 'Close the door on your way out?'.

Thus the War was consigned to the horrid depths of the servants khazi, left to rot, fester and be forgotten. In time, it would enter myth and legend, a dire warning to posterity of the dangers of intemperate manners and warm beer.