jokes and funny stories.

[Meliva]

Figured since there doenst exist a forum thread exclusively for jokes and funny stories id make one. Everyone feel free to post any jokes or stories you got here. Swears are fine so long as you are not directing them at anyone and its part of the joke, and you don't fill a joke with them.

Ill start with a pretty good classic.

A US WW2 vet is in Britain shortly after the war, he gets on a train to get to a port to go home. On the train its completely packed, so he looks front to back for a seat, and the only one not being used by a person is being used by a small dog owned by a British lady. "Ma'am, may I have that seat please?" the soldier asks. The lady scoffs and says "you Americans are so arrogant, cant you see my poochikins is using it?" So the soldier looks once more for a seat, eventually coming back and asking again "Ma'am, I'm awfully tired, may I please have that seat?" the lady scoffs again and says "you Americans are so stupid, I already told you my poochikins is using it." the soldier fed up, grabs the dog and tosses it out the window and sits down. The lady exclaims "someone set this brute straight!" That's when an old English gentleman, who was sitting across the isle and witnessed everything finally speaks up, "young man, I don't know why, but you Americans do seem to do everything wrong, you drive your autos on the wrong side of the road, you use the wrong pronunciation for most words, and now you've gone and thrown the wrong bich from the train."

[not a pirate]

Guluere's voodoo suggestions.

[Meliva]

Guluere's voodoo suggestions.

God i hadn't seen one of those in ages. I think he eventually realized none of his suggestions would pass and finally gave up. Still a shame he quit, but i think he will be back sooner or later. Who knows.

[Jack Teach]

That was AMAZING!

[Jack Teach]

Guluere's voodoo suggestions.

God i hadn't seen one of those in ages. I think he eventually realized none of his suggestions would pass and finally gave up. Still a shame he quit, but i think he will be back sooner or later. Who knows.

Link?

[Meliva]

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=4127&hilit=grim

I think he quit because he didn't like how I was moderating. Based on what his profile description in game says. Or that was part of it at least.

[not a pirate]

Suggest a New Curse > Forums > anything authored by Grimrock Litless.

[Jack Teach]

Oh him

[Meliva]

Suggest a New Curse > Forums > anything authored by Grimrock Litless.

I think he was referring to grim leaving, not his suggestions. But yeah I recommend you check out his suggestions too. Some really bad ideas in there but some really good jabs and jokes too. I always enjoyed them truth be told

[Meliva]

But enough derailing. This is a joke and funny story thread so heres a new one I hope gets a few laughs.

An old farmer is bored of farming, and decides to sell his assets to start his own medical clinic and call himself Dr. Geezer. He advertises that for 500 dollars he will treat your ailment, and if he fails he pays you 1,000 dollars.

Now a local licensed doctor, called Dr. Young thinks to himself "he has no medical knowledge, ill just go in, fake something and get money." So he goes to Dr. Geezer and says, "I can not taste anything, can you help me?" so Geezer says "nurse bring me medicine X. He then hands Young a small shot glass and tells him to drink. Young does so and yells "this is gasoline!" Geezer says "congratulations you can taste again, that will be 500 dollars."

Dr. young is furious and decides to try again. He goes back the next day and says "Dr. I cant remember anything, can you treat me?" Geezer says "Nurse bring me medicine X" he hands him a shot glass and Young says "I am not drinking that, I remember that's gasoline!" Geezer says "Congratulations you can remember again, that will be 500 dollars."

Young decides to try one more time to get his money back, and comes in stumbling and says, "doctor I cant see anything, can you treat me?" Geezer says, "Well I don't know how to treat blindness so heres your money" Young takes the money and exclaims "hey this is only 500 dollars!" Geezer replies "congratulations you can see again, that will be 500 dollars."