I'm a bit confused how the friends chat system works. I only have 2 people on my own friends list but 10 people show up in the friends chat at the bottom right side of the page. Are people able to add me to their friends list and then automatically they can see when I'm online and chat to me? I would rather not have my online status shown to anyone who friends me. Not that I don't like you all it's just a sneaky way to see if people are probably offline.

Can it be only possible to chat once I accept a chat-with-this-friend-request? I don't think the list of friends needs to change- just the chat and online icon.

-You see only those who have added you.
-The people you have in your friendlist are the ones that see you online.
-You can hide your online status anytime.
-You can have someone in your friendlist but not to appear in his instant messenger list if you block him there.

Wow, that was really helpful.
Thank you!